The last nine months of my life have been that of a Costa Concordia experience. What was to have become an exciting adventure, the fruition of all things hoped for; it became that of a nightmare, and although the music and food was good when the ship hit the rocks, so appeared my life when the first intrusion came. “Out of nowhere” was repeatedly quoted by passengers of the Costa Concordia, the cruise ship that took on water after hitting rocks, as they describe the jolt that cut the power and sent them scrambling into chaos. I, too, initially repeated the same phrase, “out of nowhere”, to describe how the life changing jolt,that sent me figuring out how to best survive, came. Like a survivor of a traumatic event, I went over every detail, questioning how, why, trying to find answer that would make sense, needing answers that could explain and stop my pain. Round and round, I would go, obsessing, processing, grieving, almost getting to acceptance, and then starting the process of trying to make sense of that which had no justifiable, excusable, or accidental answer. Coming to the same conclusion each time, like the passengers of the doomed ship, my course had been forever altered not ” out of nowhere” but from another only thinking of self, leading not to a momentary lapse in judgment , but a selfish choice.
As a deep thinker and one with strong conviction I had to understand how one becomes selfish. I wanted to know the process of how one comes to think only of himself……..