I wanted to know the process of how one comes to think only of himself……..
Inadequacy- a feeling we are born with, given to us by our Creator so that we may recognize our need for Him.
The very feeling can drive us into His arms, knowing we have a need to open our souls to the very one who created us. He made us for fellowship with Him, intimacy with Him, the need to know Him. Yet so many of us, instead of recognizing the Maker made us to be “less than” so we would recognize our need for Him, run from our inability to measure up, we become self made men. We set our own standards. We create our own list. We work hard to be everything we think we need to be to adequate. We strive to be the best, have the best, look the best, and make the most. We go to college, get married, land jobs making 2 to 3 figures more than our parents did. We start to believe that we arrive even though we can’t stop running to be better…to feel adequate. The successes starts taking a toll on our pride. Although we still do not feel adequate and we wrestle with acceptance and approval, we are inflated men with empty souls. We look strong and important. We are leaders in our field. Our desire for adequacy thrust us up the proverbial ladder at lightening speed. We are what looks good to the world. Our successes reinforce our own ability and that we do not need a Savior or rely on any man but self. We are selfish beings by our very refusal to admit our need for God to make us adequate. We let our pride stand in the way of us calling out to Him, to be intimate with Him, to admit we are broken and that we need Him. Oh, how we wish to cry out to Him but we would have to face the feelings of inadequacy that we have for so long ran from so we refuse and continue being self made men. New jobs, higher salaries, the chemical rush from successes often becomes not enough. Vices become fixes to distract from our feelings. Hours on the iTouch, years in front of the television, constant nights out with the girls, secret viewing of porn, occasional drinks that lead to constant drunkenness, white collar drug addiction, affairs, you name your vice and I’ll name mine, all the while knowing the root: Our refusal to just acknowledge that God made us inadequate for a reason, to recognize Him, to point us to a Maker so that we do not believe we just evolved to live and die and disappear forever. He made us “less than” but He also made us “thinking people” to recognize and then acknowledge our need for Him.
Self-Made Men: Tiger Woods double life, Herman Cain’s secret “friend”, and Newt Gingrich’s 6 1/2 year affair do not occur because these men of power were “following their hearts”, got married too young, or were under pressure. It occurred because these men chose to run from their need for their Maker. They may have acknowledged them with their breathe but they ultimately lived for themselves. They were inadequate and they knew it. Being self-made men to compensate for the God sized hole in their souls led them to a life of success, yes, but also a life of selfishness, pride, shame, and sorrow. Their actions were direct results of their thinking about themselves, what would make them feel good for the moment, possibly what they were even entitled to, that which would relieve them for the moment of feeling inadequate, a fantasy that allowed the escape from the life the self-made man had created.
I have pondered, agonized, sought counsel, and sometimes still daily try to understand, yet, I am coming to grips with the above mentioned truth, we are all inadequate but that is how we are to be. What we do with our inadequacies is ultimately what will make all the difference in our lives. Will we be self made runners, fillers,and escapees who measure our own worth or will we be turners who He will make whole?
I have quit trying to be adequate, no longer defining my adequacy by my role as a wife and a mother, and God knows He will not allow me to reinvent myself and be anything more than I am at this time: Broken